The Past is Catching Up to Us Written By: Eddie Nelson

“Those that cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”.  Most people ironically cannot remember or never knew who the person was that said this.  Some will say Socrates or Abraham Lincoln in an effort to sound educated amongst their peers, but it was actually a philosopher by the name of George Santayana.  Every day in American society, it becomes easier and easier to see that we the people have forgotten our past.  The scary part is that we are condemned to repeat it.  Not all of it, and not exactly the same way, but we are already feeling the sting of histories repetition and sooner than later we will feel it far far worse.  So hopefully my brief opening statements have grabbed your attention well enough that you should continue to read, if for any other reason than to see some of the examples of our past being forgotten.

It’s easy to see that our memories fade when we think about what being an American entails.  Any American knows the basics; free speech, the right to bear arms, freedom of the religion and press etc. But do Americans realize how much they have changed through the years?  Could we really call our rights rights anymore, or just privileges given to us by our nanny state that may be taken away whenever our nanny likes?  Lets take a look at the basics:

The second Amendment states “…the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”.  I’m sure anyone reading this knows what the word “infringed” means so how have we forgotten so much of our past that it becomes almost impossible to purchase, own, or carry a fire arm?

Free Speech and peaceful protest? Black’s Law dictionary defines “Fighting Words” as: “Inflammatory speech that might not be protected by the first amendments free-speech guarantee because it might incite a violent response” (such as a violent revolt, maybe the whiskey rebellion would make a good example).  So basically you do not have the right to speak about revolt against your government, even though Thomas Jefferson stated the the main reason to keep and bear arms is so the we the people might have to fight tyrrany in our own government, even though James K. Polk stated that he believed little revolts were necessary to remind the government just who is in charge.  The first amendment states that “Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech”  If you remember you’re history you may remember a Supreme Court Decision called US v. O’Brien which stated that you do not have the right to burn your draft card, these are just a few of many examples of how your first amendment right has been limited.

Now on to some scary stuff.  Before you jump back on your X-Boxes and PS3’s just remember that  the power you need to enjoy such commodities come from private companies.  Now think of all of the things that have been nationalized in America like social security, Medicare, Medicaid, the multiple welfare programs…they don’t really work very well do they?  Here are a few executive orders that are already in the books that you may want to consider

EXECUTIVE ORDER 10990 allows the government to take over all modes of transportation and control of highways and seaports.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 10995 allows the government to seize and control the communication media.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 10997 allows the government to take over all electrical power, gas, petroleum, fuels and minerals.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 10998 allows the government to take over all food resources and farms.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11000 allows the government to mobilize civilians into work brigades under government supervision.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11001 allows the government to take over all health, education and welfare functions.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11002 designates the Postmaster General to operate a national registration of all persons.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11003 allows the government to take over all airports and aircraft, including commercial aircraft.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11004 allows the Housing and Finance Authority to relocate communities, build new housing with public funds, designate areas to be abandoned, and establish new locations for populations.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11005 allows the government to take over railroads, inland waterways and public storage facilities.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11051 specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis.

EXECUTIVE ORDER 11310 grants authority to the Department of Justice to enforce the plans set out in Executive Orders, to institute industrial support, to establish judicial and legislative liaison, to control all aliens, to operate penal and correctional institutions, and to advise and assist the President.

…The founding  fathers intended for our federal government to be as little as possible.  This is why they created the 10th amendment which states “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people”.  Now think about all of the things that your Federal Government is doing.  I am beginning to think that we may have forgotten a little of our historic philosophy: “when the cats away the mice will play”, don’t you think you should spend a little less time with you X-Box and some more time paying attention to the employees that we elect?

I think I may have overstayed my welcome in the Army…(A true story) written by: Eddie Nelson

Earlier this week, a fellow soldier in my platoon had to attend a doctors appointment.  This was no ordinary doctors appointment however.  It was an appointment that every man fears as they get older, and most unfortunately for my friend he attended this horrific event in his mid-twenties.  I am referring to of course, the prostate exam.

Now under normal circumstances, and by normal I mean in the Civilian World (or “real world” as we soldiers refer to it), no man would have been in any sort of hurry to discuss this procedure to their fellow co-workers.  This is not the real world, and once “militarized” all shame and personal dignity are placed on the back-burners of ones life.  This can prove to be cheap entertainment which is very much needed when stationed in a unit such as ours, were the battery (you may know it as a company, it’s the same thing only Artillery specific) motto should be “beatings will continue until moral improves”.

Before you stand on your soap boxes to preach about how awful we are to laugh at our fellow soldier’s misfortune let me explain to you that we did not pursue in any way, any information about his doctors visit.  We were not even made aware of it until he came back and began to joke about how he had had his proud American balloon knot third knuckled by a doctor that took finger puppets a little to seriously in elementary school!  The poor bastard really took one for the team today.  He may have just introduced himself to the early stages of developmental PTSD, but he did it for his health and more importantly the entertainment of his fellow “battle-buddies”.

Later that day, I happened to be with my friend as we were both scheduled to do some testing for a specific part of our line of work.  We both failed the test, which we expected.  One thing I was not prepared for however was what he said shortly after.

“…you know, never in the civilian world would you say ‘hey I got fingered in the corn hole by a sadist, and failed and important test but it’s a good day because at least I didn’t have to go to the office all day'”

…of course we both laughed hysterically for quite sometime.  But you know I do believe my friend is right, I thought about it and I think I would have rather spent the day in his shoes than my own…at least I would not have had to be at work, and that ladies and gentlemen is a damn shame.  It is time for me to leave the land were common sense is not all that common

Things I learned of life while growing up in the Bible belt. Written by: Eddie Nelson

1. Apparently you can walk off most any injury involving a baseball.
2. Righty tighty, Lefty loosy.  Or as my dad said it “Clockwise is Lock-wise”.
3. Arachnophobia does not apply to those with a Y chromosome.
4. Emotions are things that women have…they come from their ovaries.
5. For some reason, while going through the pubescent  phase, according to your friends you have the coolest parents, however you think your friends parents may be a little cooler.
6. While in church, do not laugh for any reason, even if someone farts during prayer…apparently “God don’t think things are funny”.
7. Even if you have heard grandpa’s war stories a thousand times…if you enlist plan to hear them a thousand more times.
8. You will be sitting at the kids table far longer than you feel you should.
9. If you play with your belly-button for too long your wiener may fall off.
10. If you tell someone that it is impossible to do some random weird thing like sneeze with your eyes open, they will immediately question your level of education and try to prove you wrong as quickly as possible.

The Bell Curve, Lisa Sparxxx and how “The Big Bang Theory” plays into it all. written by: Eddie Nelson

DISCLOSER:  If you are reading this and are of weak constitution, of high moral aptitude, or just really don’t enjoy reading profane words and general filth (yeah I mean you mom ^__^) STOP READING NOW!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! ….Okay, you were warned…

In the TV series “The Big Bang Theory” season 4 episode 1, the character “Sheldon Cooper” (played by actor Jim Parsons) discusses how he has estimated that the amount of men that the character “Penny” (Kaley Cuoco) has dated in her life is approximately 171 different men.  When asked how he came up with such a high number he explained “Simple extrapolation.  In the three years that I’ve known you, you were single for two. during that time I saw seventeen different suiters.  If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias and postulate an initial dating age of fifteen…”

(Penny corrects him stating that she actually started dating at 14)

“My mistake. Now assuming the left side of a BELL CURVE, peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to…193 men plus or minus 8 men”

Oxford Dictionary defines Bell Curve as: a graph of a normal distribution, with a large rounded peak tapering away at each end…..I call out Mr. Coopers mathematical “genius”, (I know he’s a fictitious character, and that one shouldn’t trust TV for real knowledge but dammit doing this research made me feel smart so suck it!!!) and heres why….Lisa Sparxxx.

Earlier this evening I was enjoying a Youtube podcast of “OMG”, it is a weekly video that is filled with crazy but true little factoids.  If you know me, than you are aware that useless factoids are my Kryptonite.  This particular podcast explained that a porn actress by the name Lisa Sparxxx holds the world record for most sexual partners in one day (it only took her half a day to break this record), ready for your mind to explode from your ears?  900 different men!!!  Yep you read that right, 900 dicks in 12 hrs.  One can only imagine how beat up this ham wallet is now.  I mean holy fuck 900 cocks, seriously…in one fucking day!!! No… actually in half a fucking day and believe it or not queen tuna skank was and is still married to the same asshole!!!  This dude must be packing a 12 ft cock because after a rodeo like that a 10 footer just couldn’t cut it.  I’ll admit that, if I’m right about said husbands penis size, I’m impressed…that’s one hella big pork steeple, holy shit!!!  I think of all the crazy info I found out about this cum dumpster the biggest surprise of all is that apparently she still has men that want to fuck her.  I had to do a little  research (Wikipedia, and the Lisa Sparxxx home page) to see if the world record thing was true (it is), I also found her bio which led me to the endeavor which you read now.

You have to understand that when you hear that there is a women out there with the ability to land 900 beef buses into tuna town in a 12 hour period, well dammit thats not only slightly revolting but impressive. Therefore the mind begins to wander and ask questions of how many dicks has this mattress actress had in her life time?  That is when my mind immediately reverted to season 4 episode 1 of “The Big Bang Theory”.  I wanted to see if I could figure out how many lap rockets have seen this black hole of a Kentucky south mouth in her lifetime.  I realized quickly that one does not actually need to create a BELL CURVE to figure this out.  All you need is: A calculator, Basic math skills, and the Lisa Sparxxx home page bio.

Heres what we know.  She is 33 years old.  She has been taking the cock since 16, taking it professionally since 18, and she holds the world record for 900 dicks in one day.

Heres what we can postulate (assume): Judging by the video samples on the Lisa Sparxxx homepage, she tends to make video’s involving multiple men.  Postulating that she would have to work five days a week with multiple shoots each day, it is safe to say that Mrs. Sparxxx marinates about 20 dude pistons in her squish mitten a day.

Heres the formula:

33-16=17                   (amount of years Lisa Sparxxx claims to be sexually active)

52 x 17=884              (amount of weeks total that Lisa Sparx has been sexually active)

884 x 20= 17,680      (approximate number of boink swatters that have seen this gut locker)

17,680-20=17,660    (subtracting twenty whoopee sticks in fairness to Mrs. Sparxxx, I’m sure she took a week off after _______________       her big record setting event)

17,660+900=18,560 (grand total of dick taken by Lisa Sparxxx to date, not including any she may give her husband if                                       there is time)

there you have it 18,560 men and I didn’t need to create a bell curve like “The Big Bang Theory”……….plus or minus 8 men!!!  The best part of all in posting this blog, I’m sure that a large portion of the readers are actually working my math now in an attempt to prove me wrong…just remember if I am off by a little that is still more dick than anyone can imagine…well except for Mrs. Sparxxx

(A special thanks to the Bloodhound Gang, you’ve made nicknaming genitalia into and art form)

Gotta love those Socially Minded Elitists written by: Eddie Nelson

Socialism: a political and economic theory of social organization which advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole. (In Marxist Theory) a transitional social state between the overthrow of capitalism and the realization of Communism.

Communism: A theory or system of social organization in which all property is owned by the community and each person contributes and receives according to their ability and needs.  See also Marxism.

These are both, VERBATIM, the definitions of socialism and communism as given by The Oxford Dictionary of English.

Synonymous: having the same meaning as another word or phrase in the same language. (also from The Oxford Dictionary of English).

So can anyone really state now that there is a huge difference between the two?  Considering that all of these “Socially Minded” elitists claim that all they want is fairness for all.  You know the ones: the same political figures that said the will of the people be damned lets work on that free health care for all thing…well all except for us politicians who would rather pay for it because we are quite aware that “socialized” medicine is terrible (just ask North Korea).  You know, the same politicians and actor/wanna be political activists that all flew on those gas drinking private jets and rode in those really nice gas powered limousines to a summit that was filled with enough food to possibly feed a small starving nation for a week, that was to be the “ground zero” for a new thinking of environmentalism…you know the one that told every one what WE need to do to cut back pollution, and pressure other politicians to tax US for driving to far to perhaps visit a loved one.

Here is what I am noticing…Perhaps Karl Marx was right, maybe socialism is just a stepping stone to communism.  Although in my eyes they already seem very similar.  Could it be possible that Socialism is just like communism except that the government doesn’t officially “own” private property, they just regulate it anyway and tax it to death.  I think Mobster’s do a very similar thing and the “G-men” (sorry gotta go a little old school lol) call it extortion, you know “pay up and do as we tell ya if ya know whats good for ya”.  So in communism you can’t own anything or work for anyone that doesn’t belong to the government, and in socialism you can’t own anything or work for anyone that isn’t regulated by the government, did I get that right?

Just for your reading pleasure I now will post the 10 Pillars of Communism, as written by Karl Marx in his history changing book “The Communist Manifesto”.  Be warned however, some of these things sound like a good idea at face value.  Hell many of them we already practice either outright or in a similar nature.  Just remember you history class kids…COMMUNISM DIDN’T WORK, AND THOSE COUNTRIES PRACTICING IT STILL WELL JUST LOOK AT THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!!!  STICK WITH ME FOLKS, I KNOW ITS A LONG READ BUT YOU JUST MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING!!!

1. Abolition of property in land and application of all rents of land to public purposes.  “writ of eminent domain” sound familiar?  Might wanna look up just how far that “writ” can go these day thanks to some really dumb supreme court decision (see also: precedence)
2. A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.  Thank you Woodrow Wilson
3. Abolition of all rights of inheritance.  Have you looked at the inheritance tax since January 1st 2011…47% if I recall correctly, I’ll bet you dead uncle is so happy that he could leave behind such a tax  burden
4. Confiscation of the property of all emigrants and rebels.  Doesn’t the IRS confiscate your property if you rebel and refuse to pay your graduated income tax?
5. Centralization of credit in the banks of the state, by means of a national bank with state capital and an exclusive monopoly. Ever heard of the Federal Reserve?  But you didn’t know it was a private bank…No more federal than Federal Express!!!
6. Centralization of the means of communication and transport in the hands of the state.  Effective 2010 the FCC “Federal Communications Commission” is no longer bound to the laws of the freedom of information act
7. Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the state.  Those corporate bailouts didn’t come without a price…  those that received a bailout also received a new stack of regulations in which to comply (FYI regulation compliance costs money, I wander if that could have been money that the corporation could have used to NOT NEED A BAILOUT!) or worse yet they had to turn over large amounts of stock to…the federal government.  Guess who the majority stockholder of GM is?did you know that AMTRAK also used to be a private rail…similar scenario now owned by Uncle Sam and has the highest accident rate of any train system IN THE WORLD!!!
8. Equal obligation of all to work. Establishment of civil army.  Sorry but Definition time (stay with me)…Obligation: an act or course of action to which a person is morally or LEGALLY bound; a duty or a commitment (Oxford Dictionary).  So if you are obligated to work doesn’t that make you a slave (provided you haven’t signed a contract or anything, you just happen to be born in the wrong country that uses such a law)?  And wasn’t president Obama talking about creating a civil service corp for teenager/young adults that would be compulsory (see also Mandatory)?  Wait didn’t Hitler have a civil army called the Shutstaffel (German for protection force) also know as the SS.
9. Abolition of all the distinction between town and country by a more equable distribution of the populace over the country. “A more equable distribution of the populace”, to me that sounds like the government may tell people were they are required to live in order to better distribute the land for “the greater good”  So far I really can’t see a good example of this one being used in the US…maybe after the housing bubble finishes deflating and people have no homes and need to be placed somewhere, who knows (and don’t blame the banks for the housing bubble, didn’t Uncle Sam force lenders to make loans that they new were too high risk?  What about that whole ACORN thing?)
10. Free education for all children in public schools.  Have you seen the level of education coming from our public schools, shameful to say the least…but hey they government know whats best for us right?