DISCLOSER: If you are reading this and are of weak constitution, of high moral aptitude, or just really don’t enjoy reading profane words and general filth (yeah I mean you mom ^__^) STOP READING NOW!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! ….Okay, you were warned…
In the TV series “The Big Bang Theory” season 4 episode 1, the character “Sheldon Cooper” (played by actor Jim Parsons) discusses how he has estimated that the amount of men that the character “Penny” (Kaley Cuoco) has dated in her life is approximately 171 different men. When asked how he came up with such a high number he explained “Simple extrapolation. In the three years that I’ve known you, you were single for two. during that time I saw seventeen different suiters. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias and postulate an initial dating age of fifteen…”
(Penny corrects him stating that she actually started dating at 14)
“My mistake. Now assuming the left side of a BELL CURVE, peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to…193 men plus or minus 8 men”
Oxford Dictionary defines Bell Curve as: a graph of a normal distribution, with a large rounded peak tapering away at each end…..I call out Mr. Coopers mathematical “genius”, (I know he’s a fictitious character, and that one shouldn’t trust TV for real knowledge but dammit doing this research made me feel smart so suck it!!!) and heres why….Lisa Sparxxx.
Earlier this evening I was enjoying a Youtube podcast of “OMG”, it is a weekly video that is filled with crazy but true little factoids. If you know me, than you are aware that useless factoids are my Kryptonite. This particular podcast explained that a porn actress by the name Lisa Sparxxx holds the world record for most sexual partners in one day (it only took her half a day to break this record), ready for your mind to explode from your ears? 900 different men!!! Yep you read that right, 900 dicks in 12 hrs. One can only imagine how beat up this ham wallet is now. I mean holy fuck 900 cocks, seriously…in one fucking day!!! No… actually in half a fucking day and believe it or not queen tuna skank was and is still married to the same asshole!!! This dude must be packing a 12 ft cock because after a rodeo like that a 10 footer just couldn’t cut it. I’ll admit that, if I’m right about said husbands penis size, I’m impressed…that’s one hella big pork steeple, holy shit!!! I think of all the crazy info I found out about this cum dumpster the biggest surprise of all is that apparently she still has men that want to fuck her. I had to do a little research (Wikipedia, and the Lisa Sparxxx home page) to see if the world record thing was true (it is), I also found her bio which led me to the endeavor which you read now.
You have to understand that when you hear that there is a women out there with the ability to land 900 beef buses into tuna town in a 12 hour period, well dammit thats not only slightly revolting but impressive. Therefore the mind begins to wander and ask questions of how many dicks has this mattress actress had in her life time? That is when my mind immediately reverted to season 4 episode 1 of “The Big Bang Theory”. I wanted to see if I could figure out how many lap rockets have seen this black hole of a Kentucky south mouth in her lifetime. I realized quickly that one does not actually need to create a BELL CURVE to figure this out. All you need is: A calculator, Basic math skills, and the Lisa Sparxxx home page bio.
Heres what we know. She is 33 years old. She has been taking the cock since 16, taking it professionally since 18, and she holds the world record for 900 dicks in one day.
Heres what we can postulate (assume): Judging by the video samples on the Lisa Sparxxx homepage, she tends to make video’s involving multiple men. Postulating that she would have to work five days a week with multiple shoots each day, it is safe to say that Mrs. Sparxxx marinates about 20 dude pistons in her squish mitten a day.
Heres the formula:
33-16=17 (amount of years Lisa Sparxxx claims to be sexually active)
52 x 17=884 (amount of weeks total that Lisa Sparx has been sexually active)
884 x 20= 17,680 (approximate number of boink swatters that have seen this gut locker)
17,680-20=17,660 (subtracting twenty whoopee sticks in fairness to Mrs. Sparxxx, I’m sure she took a week off after _______________ her big record setting event)
17,660+900=18,560 (grand total of dick taken by Lisa Sparxxx to date, not including any she may give her husband if there is time)
there you have it 18,560 men and I didn’t need to create a bell curve like “The Big Bang Theory”……….plus or minus 8 men!!! The best part of all in posting this blog, I’m sure that a large portion of the readers are actually working my math now in an attempt to prove me wrong…just remember if I am off by a little that is still more dick than anyone can imagine…well except for Mrs. Sparxxx
(A special thanks to the Bloodhound Gang, you’ve made nicknaming genitalia into and art form)
Thoughts I have of...whatever 